Bad stuff happens. There is no doubt about it. Sometimes the best of intentions morph into the worst; the kindest deeds become horrors; the greatest job with the most terrific boss turns into unemployment; sound investments thud into the depths of zero. There is nothing simple about facing many of these dilemmas, however, attitude and positive belief can make a tremendous difference.
Begin with best intentions. Think about a time when you really planned to complete something and even had a vision for getting it done. Then the real world of extreme business set in and you were unable to meet your obligations. For example, I had a tele-conference planned, had announced the date, given the dial in number, then promptly circled the date on my calendar. On the prescribed day one event led to another as I launched my hectic morning. I took my daily swim followed by a training run, I finished painting the family room, I mucked out the storage closet, washed clothes, and then quickly zoomed into the shower and prepared for work. Suddenly it dawned on me – the tele-conference! I ran to my planner, and with relief saw that the date circled was next week. But in the back on my mind I knew I had goofed. I called my advisor who commented on how people had been surprised (angry?) when I, the leader, was a no-show that day. They had called in and waited and waited and then moved back into their own overwhelmingly busy lives probably disgusted with me.
What could I do? An apology was inadequate, a message of sorrow did not feel much better. Finally I confronted the truth – wrong date in my mind plus an overactive schedule had tethered me with the inability to meet obligations. An email was dashed, regret was repeated, a new date and time were set. When we are live next week on the tele-conference I can say aloud how I really screwed up. Just getting my actions typed into words has forced me to feel a little better. Plus I have learned: overdoing it can be disastrous!
Good deeds gone bad. A friend stopped by my work and I mentioned how excited he must be about his new grandson as I handed him a baby blanket I had made. His face contorted, his brow became furrowed, his sad eyes filled with tears. “The doctors don’t expect Johnny to make it,” he said. Then he wept openly. What had I done? What had I babbled? My joy for my friend melted into grief at this impending loss.
So there I was, in need of apologizing yet again. I had planned to be kind; my deed was with the best of purpose, but life had unraveled before my eyes. My “I’m sorry” softly crept into the room as I joined my friend in his distress. The blanket rested between us like a viper. My anguish multiplied. Then my friend looked into my eyes and saved my day, “Thanks,” he murmured. “This tender gift will mean so much to his mom.”
I had no words inside to release so I just nodded as he grasped the blanket and trudged out the door. A good deed gone bad, but maybe in some way it can have healing power later. Blurting can be disastrous!
In these times of job stress and loss, being appreciated can be horrific. In the “old days” you could have left an unwelcoming workplace and sought employment elsewhere, where the person in charge cared about the personnel. Now many people have to hold on for dear life because no job means no food on the table. My niece believed she had a highly commendable boss. Michelle had filled in for her boss during the boss’s maternity leave and had received accolades from all levels of the business for her innovative and ingenious approach to her assignments. Her boss praised her too. And then laid her off, keeping more incompetent employees instead of her.
How terrible! Bills to pay, debt to stress, and working so hard had left Michelle exhausted – and angry. She had wanted to excel and she had. Her payment was desertion and betrayal by the one she had expected to commend her. Fortunately, high-quality work did not go unnoticed across the company. The next day at work she received a note from another department, “We want you! When can you transfer over?” Transferring was not an option as she had been “pink slipped” but powerful beings within the company smoothed the way so that with a little manipulation a lay-off transformed into a lateral promotion. When outstanding effort leads to disaster, rest assured that someone, somewhere has recognized the misguided act and opportunity is waiting to pounce. It may take time but goodness eventually supersedes bad.
The stock market shambled and is now slowly recovering. Some people lost their financial everything. How can you remain “happy” when looming debt blanks out any bright hope. The first thing to do is realign your thinking. How bad is bad? Are there other resources and avenues? Glance around in this troubled time and find the faces of those who care. It may come as an offer for free babysitting, it may be a prepaid pizza delivered to your door, it may be a quiet sip of tea on a sunny afternoon. While the frustration and anxiety of money worries are enormous, somewhere around you there is a radiant glow. Maybe this disaster is a chance to re-evaluate what it truly important in life: friends, family, laughter, and goodness.
The way you face difficulties, the assault you mount, the attitude you take can make the worst of events moments of growth and learning. It would be wonderful to never meet adversity, to have blessing after blessing arrive daily, but how would you develop into a stronger, wiser individual if everything was simply easy.
Educational consultant; freelance writer; life coach; professional development presenter
Orbit TV with Nada and Basma – PART 2 (SUBTITLED)
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